January 2025 came and so did a text message from the ex husband. He demanded to see our kids in a text message one Friday night, randomly. I thought about how many unanswered questions I had for my son and daughter about their father’s where abouts last year. I ended up disappointing myself. Again, Sha!
After going three months with no contact, I let my kids’ dad come to Baton Rouge to pick them up at the beginning of the month. I thought maybe—just maybe—he would show up differently this time. I thought maybe he learned to stop playing with me.
But as expected, he has been a no-call, no-show ever since.
Let’s take time for a deep sigh. I tried for my kids. I tried for their unanswered questions about him. For their temporary happiness. I tried for a less than 24 hour break without paying for a sitter. I tried because I was experiencing burn out with doing everything on my own.
These are not excuses. These are the facts.
I won’t lie—I was pissed. I had already learned this lesson the hard way back in September 2024. This is when he took our kids for a week and refused to return them, not out of love, but out of spite. Could nobody help, but the court system if he refused to bring them back.
That was my wake-up call. That was the final straw that made me slam the door of communication. But somehow, I cracked it open. I took a peek through the peephole to the door of communication. Then, again in January, only to be met with the same old pattern of inconsistency and disregard.
Let me be clear: The door is shut, locked, and bolted. I am no longer entertaining the illusion that he will be anything other than who he has shown me he is. My time, energy, and peace as a mother are not up for disrespect. If you are parallel parenting with a non-responsive father, here are three things to remember:
Consistency Matters More Than Empty Promises
A father who truly wants to be present will be consistent. He will not need reminders, second chances, or constant chasing. If he can show up for everything else in life except his kids, then his priorities are clear. It’s not your job to keep a grown man accountable.Blocking Is a Form of Self-Respect
Keeping him blocked is not about being bitter. Keeping him blocked is about protecting your peace. If communication is only one-sided, filled with excuses, or non-existent until it's convenient for him, you don’t need that energy in your life. You are not welcome to be trampled over. Let him keep his insults and you will not be his emotional punching bag or last resort.You Are Not Obligated to Keep the Door Open
Society loves to guilt-trip full time mothers into believing they have to be the bigger person at all costs. But being the bigger person does not mean allowing someone to disrespect your time and energy. If he wants access to the kids, he needs to step up and meet you at the level of responsibility required. Until then, the door remains shut.
This experience reaffirmed what I already knew. But I needed to see one last time: My peace is priceless.
My kids deserve better than broken promises & inconsistency. As their mother, I will always choose stability over chaos.
If you’re dealing with a non-responsive co-parent, stand firm in your boundaries. His absence is not your responsibility to fix. Keep him blocked, keep your peace, and keep moving forward.
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