It is not selfish to learn how to intentionally put myself first. Part of this journey has been exploring the benefits of self-pleasure. Yeah, the spicy, sensual, and reliving parts of self-pleasure. However, I have not explored the benefits just as a means of physical satisfaction but as a tool for self-discovery, emotional balance, and empowerment. Once I divorced I took some time to date prematurely. Yes, prematurely.
I learned a lot from doing that. I realized that many guys were seeking spikes of validation and intimacy through casual dating. I’ve found that self-pleasure has been a powerful way to prioritize my needs without sacrificing my peace of mind. It has helped me to not find myself in situations where to give my energy to men who only see me through a lens of lustful desire.
Here are the three biggest benefits I’ve experienced:
1. Deepened Self-Connection and Awareness
Self-pleasure has allowed me to better understand my body. I know now what brings me joy, comfort, and release. Diving into self-pleasure has helped me to create a deeper connection with myself. I have learned to tune into my own needs, preferences, and stances.
All of this has helped me recognize the difference between genuine connections and surface-level attention from others. If a man is seeking more sexual intimacy from me then I have learned to not entertain the connection.
Knowing myself on such an intimate level has given me a newfound confidence. When you know and honor your heart, you stop tolerating relationships or encounters that don’t align with your worth.
2. Emotional Regulation and Stress Relief
Life as a single mom and college student comes with its fair share of challenges. Between work, school, and raising my kids, I often felt overwhelmed. Self-pleasure has become a surprisingly effective tool for stress relief. I’m telling you it has helped me so much.
The studies say that the release of endorphins and oxytocin during sexual intimate times not only helps to improve my mood but also helps me sleep better. Plus it helps to take away daily stresses with a clearer mind.
What’s most comforting is that I’ve found ways to self-soothe emotionally without leaning on anyone else. Instead of seeking comfort from a man that I am not in a committed relationship with, I can turn inward and find balance within myself.
3. Maintaining Control Over My Energy and Boundaries
Okay, this is by far my best for last but with self-pleasure, I have experienced realizing how much energy I used to pour into situations with men who weren’t aligned with my goals or values. Self-pleasure has helped me keep my focus on myself rather than seeking connections that don’t serve my growth.
We can get bored and even confuse physical chemistry with deeper emotional intimacy, but I recognize that true connection starts with me. By focusing on my pleasure, I’ve learned to preserve my energy for things and people that matter. This has helped me set stronger boundaries. I now am more equipped to protect my time and emotional space from those who approach me with purely lustful intentions.
The takeaway...
By prioritizing self-pleasure, I’ve not only deepened my relationship with myself but also not caught in the cycle of seeking fulfillment in temporary or unworthy relationships. This intentional shift has allowed me to keep my focus on my goals, my kids, and the life I’m building. Most importantly, it’s reminded me that my worth isn’t defined by anyone else’s desires. I am whole. I am powerful. I am enough all on my own.
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