Here I go! It's a new year. I am happy to be still alive and well. I am happy to know that you stopped by to read my thoughts as well. I have been thinking about my life. So much has transpired in these few days into the new year that I do not want to touch on the depths of the topic.
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I'll be 32 this month - January 30th, to be exact. I am eager to see how the chapter will treat me. I am getting the hang of embracing my greys and stretching before and after I go to bed. Those that get it. Get it. 😉
For my 32nd birthday, I don’t want extravagance. No big party. No grand gestures. I want peace.
Of course, I still have to take care of my mommy duties that day. I will make most of the time I will have to myself. College assignments, light cleaning, and minding my mental health will still be on my to-do list.
As I began my day this morning, I opened my blinds and saw the busy highway in front of my door. The frost had left its mark, and condensation clung to the glass. From one of my two windows, I watched a black man being arrested by two female officers. One of the officers was patting him down.
She pulled a small plastic bag from his pocket and tossed it onto his white car trunk. It was a scene that made me pause. Not out of shock though. Unfortunately, moments like these aren’t uncommon in my city or area, but out of reflection on how life unfolds differently for all of us. It was 34 degrees outside. It was cold enough to make me grateful for the warmth of my apartment, even as I acknowledged the challenges of my surroundings.
I love letting in the sunlight into my place. I turned to my patio window sliding doors. I opened the blinds and immediately saw something unexpected: a bundle of chopped locs that had been cut from someone’s head and a used condom tossed into my patio area.
Last night we had a nasty thunderstorm. I was not sure if the condom washed up underneath my patio since living on the first floor of my apartment complex means moments like these aren’t entirely out of the ordinary. But instead of reacting with frustration or anger, I chose calm. I grabbed a trash bag and a grocery store plastic bag to act as a glove and cleaned up the mess. I didn’t trip about it. I just handled it.
I’ve come to realize that there’s only so much I can control in this life. My external circumstances and the actions of others, the randomness of the world—are often beyond my influence. But what I can control is how I see these circumstances. I can let external circumstances upset me, or I can focus on what I can do to improve my situation and build the life I desire.
As I count down the weeks to my 32nd birthday, I’m reminded of how much strength it takes to live with intention. It’s not about having everything figured out. It is not about living in a luxury high-rise apartment right now. It is about taking the time to value how blessed I am.
Remaining grounded in the present. Plus, working towards a future that aligns with my dreams. Living in the hood is what you make it. I have accepted that I must continue to hustle for a better lifestyle. I am thankful to have a place to stay that I can say I rent and pay bills in as a single parent. In today, economy it is not too common especially living on a low income.
This year, I’m choosing gratitude. Gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned, for the resilience I’ve gained, and for the opportunities that lie ahead. Life is what you make it out to be. Life is not always about how it looks externally but more about how it feels internally. And for that, I am deeply thankful. I am going to make these last few days of 31 worth it.
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