As I approach the second anniversary of my divorce this October, I've reflected on the journey I've traveled in the realm of love and relationships. Navigating the intricate dating world has been both exhilarating and daunting. It has been a delicate balance between my desire for connection and my fear of heartbreak.
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I'm an extrovert at heart. I am someone who thrives on the energy of others. Even though I spend most of my week working from home, logging over 40 hours in the solitude of my work desk in my living room, I cherish the moments I get to step outside and immerse myself in life outside my four walls.
As a single mom, my life is a constant juggling act. My days are filled with the joys and challenges of raising my two children. Yet, amidst the chaos, I’ve discovered a renewed sense of self through dating.
Dating has become an exciting journey of self-discovery for me. Each new person I meet offers a different perspective. A unique story. A flare of spice. It is a chance to learn more about who I am, my triggers, and what I want from a newfound love.
There's an undeniable thrill in those initial conversations. The anticipation of getting to know someone new and finding a connection that could blossom into something more exciting. The plot twists. The character building of the person I am getting to know gets me journaling.
However, alongside this excitement, I have a profound sense of caution. Having experienced the pain of a broken marriage, I've developed what I call a secure detachment style. It's my way of shielding myself from potential hurt. A protective barrier that allows me to engage with others without diving too deep, too fast.
I accept love in its many forms, yet wary of the commitment that often accompanies it. I have grown numb to disappointment and withdrawing communication since another heartbreak is something I’m not ready to face. Not in this season, so I proceed with a guarded heart.
This guardedness doesn’t mean I’ve closed myself off to the possibilities of love. I see myself as a hopeless romantic. I am someone who still believes in the power of a damn good love story and the beauty of genuine connections. But for now, I'm content with the excitement of dating. The joy of meeting new people when I can, and the lessons I learn along the way.
Dating isn't my primary focus at this stage in my life. I am highly engaged in the responsibilities of single motherhood and a demanding work schedule while finding time for myself is a true luxury. Yet, when I carve out those moments, I embrace them fully. Each date is an adventure.
A chance to step outside my comfort zone. To be mysterious. To be a muse and a reminder that there is much more for me to experience. Being in the moment with someone who wants to learn who I am and share who they are is special.
As I continue this journey, I remain hopeful and open to whatever the future holds. I'm learning to embrace love in all its forms. I will also protect my heart from unnecessary pain. This delicate salsa of vulnerability and self-preservation is my way of navigating the complex world of post-divorce dating.
Therefore, it’s not about finding the perfect partner or rushing into a new relationship. It's about enjoying the ride. I am discovering more about myself and becoming more aligned with what I desire in life and love. And who knows? Maybe one day, when the time is right.
I am emotionally capable of falling in love later on. I'll be ready to lower my guard and let love in fully. Until then, I'll continue to savor the thrill of the journey, embracing each moment for the unique experience it brings.
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