I Won't Spend The Remainder Of My Twenties Feeling Incomplete

Blogmas Day 6

When I was twenty I said “I do” to my now-husband. I was wearing a cream-colored $25 dollar dress. My wedding dress was discovered at my then job Ross Dress for Less. Our courthouse wedding brought us joy.

I knew that getting married at only 20 years old was going to reshape my outlook on life. I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t doing it for religious purposes. I knew my worth. I was not, and did not feel pressured into marriage. 

Most importantly getting married felt right. I did not want to be Bruce’s (my husband), long term girlfriend. I also knew that I had morals and goals for myself that did include marriage. Of course, there were people who thought that we moved too fast. I chose not to explain our love and union to no one. I stayed to myself and worked on myself for myself. I also worked 9 to 5 jobs to help make ends meet with the bills.

I battled with depression, anxiety, and my husband. We have argued with one another until I lost my voice from screaming. Our marriage has never been and is not abusive. We were best friends before lovers. I  was also growing up into womanhood within my marriage. The blend of the two sometimes cost me threats of divorce, tears of anger, and panic attacks.

If I said that all the years I have been with my husband has been peachy then I would be a damn lie. I was willing to feel whole by any means within my marriage. Everything that was meant to break us we worked through it privately and with patience.

The most important things that I have taken away from my marriage as we approach our six-year anniversary is my peace, happiness, and identity. I am currently able to go back to college and obtain my Bachelor's degree in Sociology. I’m at peace with where I am at in my life as a wife and mother.

I am in charge of my own happiness. I do not allow my husband to be the ruler of my emotions. My happiness is my priority, not my husband’s. My husband understands my love language and I understand his. I also have my own identity as a wife and mother. All of these things feel good to say and own. 

On December 20th, both Bruce and I will celebrate our six-year anniversary. Getting married at 20 did not drain or restrain me. In fact, getting married at 20 recharged, humbled, and strengthen me.

I won’t spend the remainder of my twenties looking for love or feeling incomplete. We are both parents of an awesome toddler. We are moving forward with grace in our marriage. Most couples our age and older don’t make it to six years. Marriage has and still is requiring God’s love, respect, and communication. 

I won’t spend the remainder of my twenties feeling incomplete. I’m just taking my life every God-given day with ease. What’s meant for my marriage has been ordained ours. We just have to continue to remain a union to receive it. I pray that the next three years of my twenties lead me closer to my dreams, sustain growth in my marriage, and bring me happiness. 

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