Evolving Involves Eliminating

It sure did not take a rocket scientist to see that last year was preparing me for something so much greater. Within my personal life, I took hella L's at my job as bank teller.

I procrastinated my free time that I did have away. I spent many of my nights battling depression. My prayer life could have been so much better. My husband and I were constantly fighting over the stupidest of things. With all those things you just read were true, yet I was beating around the bush with my damn self!

I did not want to come to the realization that I was creating unnecessary pressure to endure for myself. Some may ask, “How do you say that Lynn?” Well, I was a bit too open with my issues and did not seek any sound advice. 

I placed myself in many of situations and contained my mind with other people’s issues as if I was able to take their problems on Sumo wrestler style. 

I wanted to rid myself of what many people would label "the bullsh*t" but was not sure how. I was pregnant and more emotionally unstable. I wanted to be the voice for a friend who was in an abusive relationship and did not want to leave because they had kids.

I wanted to have the strength for a friend who was drowning in financial troubles and her home was getting repossessed. Hell, I found myself worrying about people and their issues, while they were possibly sound to sleep in their beds.

I had to re-learn that I have to take care of my own needs first, before being a listening ear to someone else’s personal issues. I cannot be Black Girl Wonder for other people when they damn sure would not be a superhero for me.

I was just an emotional person at heart, to begin with. There I was being that girl who gave a damn too often. I wanted to take 2017 and mold it into an amazing year for not only myself but my marriage. 

I’m happy to say that even before 2018 began I rid mental freely of the troubling thoughts and even people. In fact, I am evolving. 

Evolving involves eliminating and Erkyha Badu said this quote best. As I look back upon last year I lost a lot of time trying to cope with bullsh*t. I imagine how filled my plate was to most people. I spent many days as I recall sporting a fake smile, while I was in pieces on the inside.

I feel like during my pregnancy I stressed so much about circumstances that I created in my mind. My husband kept me spiritually uplifted through it all because I was really going through the most.

So many things the Devil tried to toy with my mind with that it’s ridiculous to even think about today. If it wasn’t me having a difficult day at work, it was depression coming to swoop me up and take me on a dreaded mental ride. 

As I am still evolving I am eliminating any and anyone out of my mind and life that will hinder me from getting to where I know I deserve to be at in life. My mental growth has me doing a little shimmy! Ya’ feel me?

I’m ready to keep pushing and going on.

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